Emotionality vs Adaptive Emotion - Feeling the Difference Makes All the Difference

Do you know the difference between emotionality and adaptive emotions? Emotionality keeps us stuck in feelings of overwhelm, while adaptive emotions facilitate their release. Given that emotions are energy-in-motion, they are meant to move through us, not be stuck within us. Emotions are physiological signals in our bodies and we need to know what they feel like so we can heed their inherent wisdom. When emotions do not get released from our bodies, we can feel trapped in their intensity - resulting in overthinking, overdoing or attempting to avoid them altogether. This is emotionality - emotions get triggered (as they biologically do) and if we do not know how to be with them, our body and brain will move us away from adaptively expressing them. Either shutting them down before they have the opportunity to release or expressing them in a maladaptive way.

When the energy of an emotion arises, there will be dysregulation in our body (and mind) as a signal that something is happening within us that needs our attention. Emotions are meant to move through us like a wave. They will initially rise with intensity, then crest and break, ending up at the shore - releasing the energy from our bodies within about 90 seconds. It is the story that our minds attach to the emotions that oftentimes keep us stuck in the experience of an emotion. If we do not know how to identify and honor our emotions when they arise, bringing our body back into regulation, increased symptoms of anxiety and depression naturally begin to occur. Consciously or unconsciously, it takes a lot of energy to hold back the energy of emotions. Emotions that are not expressed get stuck in our bodies, over time resulting in disconnection within ourselves, others and the world. Conversely, emotions expressed in a maladaptive way - yelling, control, violence - only work to intensify the emotion. This expression may feel like a release initially, but in actuality, we've just amplified the energy, resulting in increased triggers of emotion.

Our bodies are meant to be flexible, moving through life in presence, flow and grace. When we were little and experienced an emotion, if we were not co-regulated, adequately attuned to nor met with presence and holding, our bodies protected us from feeling overwhelmed by stopping the expression of the emotion. And given that our autonomic nervous system repeats patterns, over time our bodies will begin to sense that emotions are internal threats that need to be stopped in order to keep us feeling safe. This adaptation is brilliant when we were little, yet becomes over-protective as we get older and gain the ability to self-regulate our emotional state. It doesn't mean that we don't have emotions, it simply means that we are disconnected from experiencing them in an healthy way. What once kept us safe, through repeated patterning, keeps us disconnected from the energy in our bodies and the inherent wisdom that it holds.

As we begin to reacquaint ourselves with the inherent wisdom of our emotions, we learn how to bring flexibility back to our nervous system, learn to trust our own true knowing again, to discern the difference between an adaptive emotion and emotionality. We learn how to tune into our emotional state, not turn away from it. We begin to discern an emotional experience in present time as opposed to an emotional memory feeling being activated from an experience long since survived or a worry about something that hasn't happened yet. This increased awareness, allows us to live more in the present moment. The present moment, the only true moment there is.

The beauty lies in knowing that just because it has always been this way doesn't mean that it always has to be this way. When we tune into what is happening within our bodies, to our emotional wisdom, we are able to cultivate a new understanding of our emotions and how they are always working for our survival.